Jana Kučerová is a psychologist and psychotherapist. In her private psychotherapy practice, UNDER THE ROOFS, she deals with women's issues and trauma, especially the therapy of post-abortion syndrome. I heal aching women's souls, I help them find reconciliation and new strength in life, relationships, motherhood. She believes in the healing power of mindfulness, kindness and self-compassion. He believes that it is always possible to start here and now and do something good and meaningful.
How did you come to found the POD KROVY project?
POD KROVY is not a project, it is the name of the space where I work. My private psychotherapy practice is located here, in the attic of the Vinohradsky tenement, and I organize various courses and workshops here.
You are probably asking primarily about my therapeutic work with women with post-abortion syndrome - or more generally with women who have experienced some kind of injury, trauma related to pregnancy or motherhood: artificial termination of pregnancy, silent pregnancy or spontaneous abortion, death of a child later during pregnancy or during birth or soon after. Traumas from childbirth (even if the child was born healthy) or from various gynecological procedures and operations are often added to this, as well as infertility treatment and procedures related to assisted reproduction.
I feel like these topics found me on their own. I worked for a long time in the field of psychological crisis intervention, on the help lines. Thanks to this practice, I understand very well the psychological states and situations in which traumas arise. An interest in trauma therapy was then a logical next step.
My last place of work was the Helpline for women in distress, where I originally went to work because it has favorable working hours. I simply couldn't handle the work schedule on the crisis line with night and weekend services with three children. The world of serious dilemmas and deep wounds on the female soul grew close to my heart, and I transferred my specialization in female trauma topics to my therapeutic practice.
What problem do women visit you with the most?
A large group of my clients are women who are looking for a way to cope with artificial termination of pregnancy. These are abortions "for social reasons" - usually in the case of an unwanted pregnancy, but also the termination of a pregnancy that was eagerly awaited but does not develop favorably.
The decision to terminate a pregnancy is, in my experience, extremely difficult, burdened with many prejudices, the woman's choice is rarely truly free. At the same time, it's a taboo, a secret that you can't talk about with almost anyone - often even your mother or best friend doesn't know about it. A big theme in therapy is the feeling of shame, guilt, responsibility and forgiveness.
The second large group are women who had an abortion - they did not have to or could not decide. These women usually need support in grieving, which is often difficult to share in society. No one else knew their child, no one else misses that much. They are often accompanied by a strong desire to get pregnant again as soon as possible, to have the desired baby, and at the same time a great fear that the tragedy will repeat itself.
I have the impression that in our performance-oriented culture it is very difficult to accept that a child is not something we can "get" or something we can somehow "prove", it is not a right, it is a miracle and a gift. It is necessary to learn to keep hope, even when it is not in my power. And to learn to trust life, love it and live well, even if it doesn't go according to my plans.
How long does it take women to recover from their loss?
I often find that women are impatient themselves, but almost always those around them are very impatient. Of course, it depends on many circumstances, but it seems to me that everyone reckons with some direct ratio between the size (age) of the lost child and the size or duration of grief. A woman is expected to cope with a spontaneous abortion in the first trimester in a few days or weeks at the most, while in the case of losing a child close to birth, she is "entitled" to mourn for a few months.
But in both cases it is the loss of a child! And not only that. It is a fundamental violation of trust in one's own body, a loss of control over one's own life and a basic belief in a just and predictable world or destiny. It is also about losing the future, dreams and plans…
In my experience, half a year is a good time, a year even better, for wounds to heal and trust to be restored. Anniversaries are also of great importance, when losses are remembered sometimes surprisingly strongly. It is really challenging to be pregnant at the same time of year as the loss.
If something like this happens repeatedly, it is very difficult not to fall into anxiety or depression or defensive numbness - disconnection from one's own experience and body. Mental recovery can then take even longer.
I know that after a failed pregnancy - if the woman is physically fine - doctors recommend trying to get pregnant again as soon as possible. I don't recommend it. After a few weeks or months, the process of processing the event and grieving is only at the beginning, the woman often has very strong and exhausting bouts of sadness, anger or despair. A new pregnancy means a great challenge and many other strong emotions. It is difficult for a woman to fully concentrate on and enjoy a new baby while she is still full of emotions tied to the one she lost.
Would you give these women some basic advice on how to deal with the loss as quickly as possible?
If possible, give yourself time and a safe and calm space to say goodbye to your baby already in the situation of loss. Even if you want to run away from everything or close your eyes and wake up in another world where everything is fine, try to stay and experience everything that comes. Allow yourself to scream, cry, rage… let out what you feel.
And then? Take your time! Give yourself plenty of time and space to grieve. Your lost baby deserves to be mourned. You deserve to heal your soul wound. No one has the right to tell you what your grief should look like and how long it should last.
It helps a lot to "do" something - for example, clean up the equipment that was packed in the box, write a letter to the child or make something for him, plant a memorial tree, etc.
Early miscarriages and infant deaths during pregnancy are surprisingly common, but very little talked about. If you are willing, you will find many women with similar experiences to yours who will understand you. Sharing and supporting each other will help you get through the tough times and find hope again.